Saturday, July 28, 2007

Land of the Rising Gas

by Kevin Burns

Few people stop to think much about it when they fart. Unless it happens on a crowded elevator,then everyone thinks about it.

You may not have pondered the fact that there are over 400 different kinds of gas in one human fart, and Japanese of course are no exception. Japanese routinely let them rip to the tune of 80 million litres of fart gas every day of the year. I haven`t even included hot air bags like Tokyo Governor Ishihara either! If all the people in the world could be synchronized via the internet to buff on cue, they would emit 4.2 billion litres of butt gas, and that would fill 3.5 Tokyo Domes. Not a pretty picture I know. Just think of the Dome`s maintenance staff!

I have often thought that my friend Doug`s expellations were particularly putrid, but no! According to research, Japanese young women expel especially smelly ones these days due to constipation. Half of the young women of Japan are afflicted. Doctors point to dieting as the culprit in this case. Dieting leads to a loss of muscle tissue in general, and loose stomach muscles in particular, which in turn leads to constipation, and farts that would make even Doug blush!

Help you gasp! I`m dating a Japanese woman, what should I do? Is there anything that can be done, Kev? Unfortunately, I am at a loss and it isn`t only dieting that make some elevators smell like Kawasaki. It is also because the Western diet has found popularity among Japanese palets. Simply put, Japanese are eating more meat.

Indeed, the fast paced lifestyle of Japan leads to increased stress, and worsens one`s intestinal condition. Perhaps because of this busy lifestyle, people don`t have as much time to exercise. Without regular exercise, we aren`t regular, and our bowels don`t move smoothly (extend and shrink well--as one Tokyo doctor, a proctologist I presume, was quoted as saying).

One shocking part of the study revealed that if you try to prevent a fart, it will actually get you in more trouble and could affect your love life! If you refuse to fluff one (as my Uncle Stan used to say), then the gas is absorbed into your blood and travels to your lungs. Then it comes out of your mouth, smelling just as terrible. Let one rip before you exchange lips with your special someone I like to say. It is a shame when couples break up over mouth farts. It wasn`t that garlic your partner ate the night before.

This problem isn`t purely a Japanese one of course, it also takes place in space. After a fatal accident involving Apollo 1, NASA was forced to re-evaluate their safety measures. The accident involved gas and some at NASA suggested that even one fart might have caused the calamity. They started their analysis at that point. Finding that farts contain methane, they proved that farts can burn. Herman, my boy scout buddy regularly proved that on camp outs, but that`s another story.

NASA analysed many farts and found that some do not include methane. It depended on what the farter had eaten. Eating carbohydrates tends to produce a methane based fart, while eating meat or space food that is meat based, produces an expellation that is methane free or low in methane. This tends to cause the fartee (or recipient of the fart) to do a severe space gag, and possibly knock one of the controls out of whack. This of course could lead to a serious accident.

The drawback to all of these findings was, that low carbohydrate space food doesn`t produce the dreaded methane fart, but does produce a fart like Doug`s. In space, no one can hear you fart! But they can sure as hell smell a fart after some gaseous Neil Armstrong has had his ration of low carb space food. It stinks up the whole lunar module man! No wonder few astronauts ever opted for a second mission and everyone wanted to go for a space walk! Japanese astronaut Mamoru Mouri, who served on the Space Shuttle remarked that when someone farts in space it doesn`t dissipate, " becum rump of gasu travelling through space shuttle. Sometime it strike fellow astronaut nose. Honto ni kusai!" (It smells just terrible,") he related. "It often happen in shuttle, but feeling is mutual," he finalized.

So there you have it, let`s be careful out there; and as my father saw on a Scottish grave stone:

"Aire we be, let wind blow free."

by Kevin Burns at great personal risk

(Researched by T. Yamaki under much duress. *Ms. Yamaki has shown no side effects, so far, from this research.)

About The Author

Kevin Burns is a writer and entrepreneur living in Japan. When not editing his guide: He can be found teaching at his English school or managing the family store: Where he constantly wonders who cut the cheese?

Tokyo Disneyland Theme Parks

by: Chris Chew

A family vacation in a Disney theme park or Disneyland is always a dream holiday for millions of people around the world. The Disney brand is such a resounding success worldwide that it is inconceivable that any child in any developed country do not know what is Disneyland.

If America or Paris is too far away to take your family for a Disney vacation, then you can settle for either of the 2 Disneyland in Asia located in Tokyo and Hong Kong. Disney theme parks, wherever they are located usually have the same theme. For example, in Disney Tokyo will find the following theme parks which can be found on other Disneyland albeit sometimes in different ways the parks are presented.

World Bazaar - Sprawling smack at the entrance of the Tokyo Disneyland is the World Bazaar. This Bazaar is a reminiscent of turn of the century American town with the feeling that you may come face to face with an Apache Red Indian or an outlaw wanted by the local county sheriff.

Here you will find restaurants, shops, restaurants, outlets selling souvenirs and stuff that are appealing to tourists.

Tomorrow land - A space age futuristic theme park. A delightful combination of science and innovative imagination. In Tomorrowland, you can enjoy rides that rockets you to outer space or if you are a science geek, get invited to the "Inventor of the year award ceremony." One of the favorite rides in Tomorrow Land is to help Buzz Light Year pulverize the Evil Emperor Zurg. Whatever that is.

Toon Town - Bring the children to Toon town, they will love you for this. Toon town is where Disney characters work and play. Toon town is designed to cater exclusively for the kids and is bursting with colors with plenty of kiddy rides.

Fantasy land - How can one be in magical Disneyland without entering the world of fairy tales and cartoons? Meet Disney's icons Mickey Mouse, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Donald Duck, Cinderella, Peter Pan, Captain Hook and a host of Disney cartoon characters this never never land.

Critter Country - This is the land of the, well, you've guessed it, Critters. The critters are small animals from the Disney movie "Song of the South". Enjoy watching the critters burrowing little homes along the banks of the Rivers of America and on the slopes of Splash Mountain.

Western land - A visit to the Wild Wild West brings you back in time to the earliest settlers of the American West. Perhaps the most important chapter of the American history. Enjoy dinning in restaurants from the wild west era.

Adventure land - This is the where you visit the African, South American and Asian rainforest. You can even take a cruise in a "crocodile infested" river. Tropical jungles in downtown Tokyo? Well, this is what Disney magic is all about isn't it?

About The Author
Chris Chew is an avid traveller. Read his blog and website for exotic travel information. and

A Reason to Travel to Japan

Pictured: Shinjuku, Tokyo courtesy of Fuji Film Staff

by: Ryu Yuki

When you think of Japan, what comes up to your mind? There might be “Sony” and “Toyota” or “Samurai” and “Geisha.” You might consider that the former ones represent the modern Japan and the latter ones represent the past. However, the real Japan is not so simple and contains both aspects together through its historical stream. It is a little bit hard for people to understand that two different characters exist in one country.

There are some clues to the real face of Japan. As you know, Japanese cars are becoming more and more popular in the US. The reasons for this are the typical quality of Japanese products. Practicability and Flavor. The reliability is that people can count on and the quality is that owners can be satisfied with for a long time. How about Japanese food. Sushi is one of favorite healthy food these days. Thirty years ago almost nobody was willing to eat raw fish in the US, however, recently there are so many sushi restaurants around urban cities like Los Angeles. People eat sushi because it is not just a efficient diet menu but also an cultural experience. They recognize color scheme of sushi dishes. Red, green, black, yellow, and white on the plate. It is a kind of artistic presentation with natural ingredients.

Any basic daily activities of people, food and craft, gradually grows to be the level of culture after many years. Japan has been organized as a nation for about 1500 years and developed the living style to the cultural value. Even though Japan obtained a lot of influence from the US after the WWII, her original essence remained and still exist everywhere in the country. TOYOTA and SONY could not happened as world famous companies without the soul and cultural background. When you really want to feel and realize what it is, it’s time for you to get on an airplane to Japan. You will start connecting the depth of the culture and spirit of the mysterious country from the very first day.

For more Japanese information, visit the author's blog site .

About The Author
Ryu Yuki, a Japanese journalist in Los Angeles, is a creator of a personal blog site, which contains Japanese issues from a native point of view.